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According to renowned depth psychologist, wilderness guide, and agent of cultural evolution, Bill Plotkin, “We live in a largely adolescent world. And it is, in great measure, a pathological adolescence.”
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with [healthy] adolescence, but our cultural resources have been so degraded over the centuries that the majority of humans in ‘developed’ societies now never reach true adulthood…"
He goes on, "When a large proportion of people in a given culture have significant psychological troubles, as is demonstrably the case in the Western world today, these people are not to blame. Their culture is.
And yet their culture is constituted by the collective actions of its members. It is the responsibility of all capable individuals to help make their culture whole and vital. Those who are most capable in this way are those who are most whole in themselves."
How do we become capable and whole, personally and collectively? How do we redeem ourselves and the culture in a healthy and generative way?
"In many tribal cultures, it is said that if the boys were not initiated into manhood, if they were not shaped by the skills and love of elders, then they would destroy the culture. If the fires that innately burn inside youths are not intentionally and lovingly added to the hearth of community, they will burn down the structures of culture, just to feel the warmth." ~Michael Meade
Indigenous and sane cultures all exercised an inherent ritual of initiation in various forms to allow the ego-centric childhood appetite to be transformed and transmuted into adulthood's maturation of feeding the god/desses and bowing in service to humanity.
"Initiation goes very deep; it's a complete re-wiring of the human being." ~Stephen Jenkinson
The child within would die to give birth to the adult. Initiation meant you bumped up against death — metaphorically, and on rare instances, literally — thus re-animating mytho-poetic imagination.
Interestingly, this lead me to question many of the premises upon which our 21st century culture is built.
Where is my tribe? Who are my elders? And how do I find them? How do I become initiated?
I sat with these questions and let them sink deep into my heart. I felt crushing grief. I cried a river of tears.
"Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honours what it misses." ~Martín Prechtel
Sure. There are plenty of weekend pop-up rituals being offered through men's and women's groups. What I mean by "pop up" is that they are not consistently embedded in trauma-informed, emotionally-safe, place-based, multi-generational community where everyone — without exception — is deemed worthy of love and belonging, regardless of their status or how they present in life. I'm entirely grateful for these gender-specific community opportunities to re-enact an ancient practice. Most are very well intended.
Yet, something is missing in looking back. Certainly, there must be a way for us to rebirth as adults that's forward thinking. One that fits with who we are — and are becoming — now. One that recognizes we are mobile and technologically connected, locally and globally. One that acknowledges that we flow in and out of a variety of communities — and relationships — both place-based in 3D reality and virtual. Both personally and transpersonally.
A way that honours belonging without ownership, love without fear.
So, I listened. Beyond visceral listening. Listened to the great mystery speak softly to me and inspire me with new questions. Like this one:
What if, la petite mort ("the little death" — the French term for "orgasm") is, in truth, the ecstatic gateway for initiation?
Now that feels good! Edgy. But really good.
And what an electric foundation for an empowered identity — and culture — to be built upon.
Because relationships co-created with the conscious intent to reclaim adulthood for ourselves have a much better chance of thriving within the complexity of our 21st century lifestyle overwhelmed with choice and connectivity. Mature yourself, and then, expose your maturing relationships to trusted communities for powerful reflections that promote continued healing and growth.
So here's where I stand:
I believe and propose that in our contemporary culture, entering the relational and sexual crucible can be a proxy for initiation into adulthood on an on-going basis.
I get it. That's a radical, if not controversial, perspective to put out there.
Yet the way I see it, it's time to reunite the sacred and the profane.
"Jenny Ferry is on the pulse of it! It meaning cutting edge, global-changing ideas. She has the intellectual brilliance like very few."
Diane Israel, Former Trustee, Naropa University, Boulder, CO
How it works.
That said, I invite you to wake up, grow up and alchemize within the relational crucible. By learning how to consciously evolve at the edge of your erotic and intimate frontier. And build a new foundation for your relational truth.
You will be challenged. Yet I guide you and hold space for you — as an elder would — with the utmost integrity and compassion in order for you to reveal your truth and practice new ways of engaging. A rare opportunity in our culture.
Look, I certainly can't replace your "lost tribe." But I can set you up for extraordinary success in relationships.
Because here's where it really gets good. Not only will you be guided and held with professional rigour, but you will also be seen and unconditionally loved by the sacred feminine and masculine, which I endeavour to fully embody in session.
I see you. I believe in you. And will reflect your highest self back to you. You will experience healing and growth with the divine aspects of feminine and masculine — outside of a romantic relationship. A very rare opportunity — and precious gift — in our culture.
Ultimately, you'll learn to transfer these new skills and way of being into your intimate relationships. You'll learn to take complete responsibility for your intimate experiences and manage your erotic expressions competently forming strong, healthy and intra-dependent bonds (not co-dependent, not independent, not inter-dependent).
This is key.
You'll learn why this is the most freeing, mature and advanced way of relating. You'll learn how to engage co-creative strategies and innovative forms of relating, igniting synergy that allows the life force energy of your connections to flow and flourish.
Here it is again. This is what healthy progression in human relating looks like as we move toward true adulthood:
co-dependent -> independent -> inter-dependent -> intra-dependent
As a world-class leadership coach, I have worked extensively with one of the core skills that’s touted worldwide in professional learning and development circles: the concept of Emotional Intelligence. Much of this work, popularized by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., centers around the recognition, understanding, and application of emotional competency within one’s professional life.
Yet my experience has revealed that within the erotic and intimate lives of people in contemporary culture, there is a pressing need and desire toward transferring skill and mastery of emotional — and relational — agility to this vital aspect of their lives.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor Frankl
Besides my strong cognitive skill set, I am also adept at intuitively uncovering patterns of relating that may be causing you to feel armoured, blocked, stuck or in an unending cycle of conflict and frustration. Perhaps you are being inhibited by an imprint from challenging experiences in this lifetime or a past life. Perhaps you have unconsciously or subconsciously contracted with familial, ancestral or cultural beliefs that no longer serve you.
More often than not, you're truly ready to change how you show up in your intimate life. Including the bedroom.
With your permission, I access both the seen and unseen realms to bring forth new and ancient wisdom to support you unconditionally in releasing and clearing energy and then creating healthy, life-affirming ways of being and engaging.
Relationships make or break us. How would it feel to experience ease and flow in your most valued relationships? With seasoned guidance, you absolutely can embody relational agility, including soul-shaking erotic interactions and deeply nourishing intimacy, if you so choose.
I've seen it. I've felt it. And I endeavour to live it. Every day.
After a complimentary consult, if we decide to move forward together, you commit to work with me for 3 months. We meet via phone or Skype weekly, for 3 weeks each month. This is how real change gets rooted.
You will be invited to engage in conscious, heart-centered and embodied practices following each session. Though the sessions are not therapeutic in nature, clients have experienced significant energetic clearing and healing from working with me.
With 30+ years professional experience in the field of human development, these sessions are trauma informed and grounded in extensively researched neuroscience. Combined with my innately heartfelt leadership style, you will be met at every step of the process with unconditional support via simple, yet profound wisdom accompanied by laser-focused personal attention.
My intuitive gifts, methods and well-honed coaching skills are truly par excellence.
"Jenny's insight and intuitions have proven to be nothing short of transformational. To be so profoundly witnessed, validated and guided is one of the greatest gifts I have received on my journey toward wholeness and integrating the sacred masculine in my life. She has a powerful gift to share."
Don Goodeve, Ph.D., Victoria, BC, Canada
Are you ready?
Right now, my practice is limited to working with open-hearted men and women who see themselves as true leaders in shifting global consciousness. Those beloveds who see and believe it's time to show up fully with their whole presence, power and purpose to support healing on the planet.
I offer these sessions by request only, as they require your significant commitment, integrity, and awareness.
If that aligns with what you’re looking for and feels like the next step in your personal and sexual development, I’d love to open a conversation with you.
Questions? Current fees? Please schedule a complimentary consult. Your confidentiality is assured.
"I so clearly remember the first time I met Jenny Ferry . . . Trust with a capital 'T'! If you're looking to change the game with sexuality, check her out."
Dave Brown, Campbell River, BC, Canada
May we all realize the beautiful world our hearts know is possible. I devote myself and my gifts to this vision with all that I AM.
In service, with love and gratitude,
LISTEN IN: Modern Sex Talks: EP139 Soul Sex: Developing Relational Agility in Insane Times (9 March 2017)
© 2018 Jenny Ferry. All Rights Reserved.